Have you ever lost someone, but gained someone else in the same day? I did today.
January 4th, 2016 at 1:24 P.M. I was falling asleep in our weekly Monday meeting at work, when my phone vibrated. It was one of my best friends, Meghan. I opened the text to a picture with a caption ” You’re going to be an Aunt today!” As she laid there in her hospital bed, giving a thumbs up, with the biggest smile on her face. She was ready to be a mom, and I was ready to meet the newest tiny human in my life.
I waited for the hours to pass at work, but they couldn’t go by fast enough. I ended up leaving early and rushed home. Matt and I ate some left overs real quick, took care of the pups, and made it to the hospital by 5:30. We thought for sure he was going to make his appearance any minute. Now I’ve never had a baby, but I’ve seen one delivered, and in my experience, these things are supposed to just come out as soon as the water is broken. I was wrong. Not Jax! Nope, he was in there for the long haul. 6:30 came and went, 7:30 came and went… no baby.
We walked the halls. We made bets on the baby. We ate from the vending machine. We got lost on the second floor. We surfed our phones until they died. We joked about losing weight from pooping. We learned that when you go to Frankenmuth you can only eat chicken and we learned that when you are house sitting you can’t ask Aunt Michelle to bring you clothes….11:30p.m. Still no baby.
While sitting in the waiting area we received a text. The baby was inverted and it was becoming a struggle. I didn’t want to leave, but I knew it was for the best. Everything would be fine, and I would get to meet that tiny human the next day. It wasn’t easy falling asleep. I kept checking my phone, but there was never anything on it. At some point I must have dozed off, because when I woke up it was around 3:00 in the morning. I immediately grabbed my phone and there it was, the text letting me know Jaxon Anthony had made it into this world. He was a whopping 7lbs 11oz and 19 inches long. I couldn’t wait to see his tiny little baby fingers and smell his little baby smells. It was only 3 a.m. but I couldn’t wait for the work day to be over.
That happened faster than expected.
January 5, 2016. 9:37 a.m. I am sorting through emails at work in an attempt to clean up my inbox before I go on vacation for week. My phone rings and it’s my brother. Now mind you, my brother and I don’t call each other. I love him to death, but we just never call each other. I knew something was wrong. I even sat there staring at my phone screen that kept showing “Bro” wondering if I should answer. I was scared to know what he had to say, but I answered anyway.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Heather?”
“Ya?”
……seconds felt like hours. He was calling to tell me that my grandpa had passed away.
It felt like someone hit me with a sledge hammer. I couldn’t think, I couldn’t talk, I was angry, I was hurt and most of all I was confused. You see, it wasn’t that my Grandpa had just passed away this morning, or last night. My Grandpa passed away a month ago and no one told us.
I lost it.
Friends from work packed up my stuff and drove me home, where I met Matt. I was in and out of it all day, trying to comprehend what was going on. What just happened? How did this happen and no one bothered to call? What kind of people don’t call their grandkids to tell them their Grandpa died?
People who are unhappy with their own lives. People who have to make other people feel terrible, because they know they’re wrong. People who will one day, have a run in with Karma. But this blog isn’t about those kind of people, so we will leave it at that.
I sat in my bed wondering how he felt, wondering how he died or if there had been a funeral. I wondered if he had been happy with this life and wondering if the circumstances caused by “those people” would have never happened, and if he would have been in better health.
He loved us grandkids more than anything and always wanted the best for us. Whether it be paying for private school so we could have the best education, or helping me earn the money to buy my first puppy. I don’t think there was anything that he wouldn’t have done for all three of us grandkids.
It’s hard enough to comprehend what I was feeling, but even harder to explain to anyone else, blogging has it’s perks…
I know if I could talk to you one last time I would say I was sorry. Sorry for the way things turned out. Sorry that someone you brought into this world caused such hurt between our family. Sorry your own daughter kept us from seeing you and most of all sorry you had to live without us a lot of the time.
But that’s not all, I’d also ask if you remembered when we used to talk about Heaven. You told me the streets were paved in gold and that there was an ice cream stand on every corner. Do you remember holding my hand in church and feeding me certs so I would stay still and keep quiet? How about that time we were playing tag and I thought it would be a good idea to jump the fence and landed on my head and got so mad at you because you chased me? Do you remember when I ran your brand new mower into the tree or when I was little and always wanted to go camping in your Campy (because I couldn’t say camper)?
Do you remember listening to me for hours go on about how much I wanted to be a veterinarian or how one summer you helped me raise money to buy the golden retriever puppy from down the road? You knew I wasn’t old enough to take care of it, so you dropped off dog food every few weeks. You also knew the love I had for animals better than anyone else.
Do you remember blowing bubbles with us every summer and popping them on the pavement or the summer you put up the basketball hoop because that was the sport I really loved? Do you remember the time you took me and Rob out to shoot birds with the pellet gun, but after the first one was shot I ran in the house and hid under the bed crying? You came in and said you were sorry…I know, because I remember.
What about the time you bought the soundtrack to The Bodyguard just so I could listen to Whitney Houston’s “I Will Always Love You” a million times and try belting out the song just like her? I don’t know any other grandpa who would buy their 6 year old a soundtrack of Whitney, but you did.How about all the times we played bowling in your back room with your diet Mt. Dew bottles? You had so many of them because you drank it so much. Do you know? I love Diet Mountain Dew too.
I also love you.
There is so much more I could say, but I know you already know. I know you’re with God by now, and you can see all the things I’ve accomplished. You’re probably eating ice cream, walking down a golden street, wondering where I sit in my living room because I’ve adopted so many animals, but you get it, you always did…..
As I left the hospital tonight from finally meeting my new nephew who couldn’t have been more perfect, I couldn’t help but think that you were there. You knew he was going to come into this world the same day I found out the world had lost you….
Reclaimed Revival 